Nov 9th, 2013
Today was a good day in some ways and in others not so good. My fibromyalgia has caused my fuse to become very short tempered as my pain is always high. My mom said her temper got better with age, well mine has become better in terms of more volatile with age. I took Town Taxi to Target in West St Paul to pick up mine and Jesyca's medications. I found out that the medication I tried to pick up for Jesyca, the prescription was expired, and that my medication Mobic(Meloxicam) needs a prior authorization from UCARE since they only want me to have 34 pills in 34 days. My prescription is for 60 pills, it helps with the inflamation from the Fibrmyalgia.
I got home and Chris was still in bed but he was up thinking about things. My fibromyalgia has taken it's toll on my relationship with Chris. He fights through the pain to do stuff around the house since I cant do the stuff, and on my good days he knows I will help but lately my good days are about 2 a month. He does all the cooking and cleaning. He loves to cook, I personally never had the creativity and passion and patience that he has for it. His back has been getting worse because my life revolves around the bed. i have to have my legs up otherwise I will get shooting pain all the way down my back and my legs, and today the lower right side of my back has a spot that hurts to the touch. One of the many effects of Fibromyalgia.
We went to the YMCA after we talked for a little bit and what has hurt is Chris and I have fought more as my back has gotten worse, and I feel like our relationship is in a rut because of this. I finally got qualified for Sliver Sneakers through UCARE, so we were wanting to get a YMCA membership. We have talked about marriage and he says that he wants to spend the rest of our lives together, but when we were talking today he said that he was thinking of stuff that he wanted to do or get done by end of 2014, and he didnt say one of them was us getting engaged. That is something I would truly like to see by end of 2014.
He wants to start going back to school, but he wants things to be stable, which is why I have put things off myself with going back to school. He wants to go hunting next year. Today when we were looking on his daughter's website Chelsey Treague he found out she likes hunting and was going with her best friend. It must be in the genes I say, since she loves hunting and fishing just like her dad. He wants to get stuff that costs a lot of money.
Today we stopped by his buddy's house. He meet Chris in the navy. As a result of the Fibromyalgia, and one of our fights, I lashed out and said some things that shouldn't have and because of it, his wife and him want nothing to do with myself. I cant say I blame them, I wasn't very nice, I also wasn't meaning for the stuff to be shown to them, I was lashing out at Chris, and Chris apologized to them, but I have a hard time apologizing when they cant even confront me about it.
I had issues with Chris there because it wasn't quick in and out and I was freezing my but off, so I came up to the house to warm up as they come out for a smoke, and then he got an ear full. from me since I was upset at the target about prescriptions, I was upset at the YMCA lady and then I was getting in more pain and i was mad at him for not saying anything about us getting engaged, but I never told him that, and then I was mad at him for taking to long at his buddy's.
I know I am a hard person to get along with these days. I don't know why he sticks around, I think sometimes it is for jesyca and then there is other times when I don't know why he is with me. He told me that laying in the bed makes his back worse and it is the only way I feel comfortable so to make me happy he grins and bears it.
We went to the YMCA to try and get a membership, and I called the other day, and yesterday was told what to bring, and was quoted 54.50 and then we got there and asked for more and more information which was not told to bring with, and then was quoted at 64.00 I told them to forget it because when you quote me and Chris the same price(we had looked into it another time)....then we get there and now you want to charge it more.
While 10 is not a lot to some it is to us. I havent even gotten new boots and tennis shoes which I need badly, but because I make sure Jesyca is covered first, I tend not to buy stuff I need until I am forced to. It has been like that for 8 years.
The car ride home was quiet and then I took a nap another effect of the medication, always knocking me out. I woke up to dinner already half way done thanks to chris, and I had to return a call to someone, and then I watched a program with him and then took a shower. It hurts so much to stand in the shower but today was the day to change my patch so it is a good day like everyday it is too shower. Sometimes I have the hardest time doing that even because I am already in so much pain and the heat effects the amount that goes into my bloodstream so it tends to make me feel a little uneven on my feet. This time I didnt get that since I was taking the patch off and replacing it with a new patch.
We watched this last week's epsiode of Revenge and are now watching Criminal Minds. I commented that Revenge is like watching a new movie everytime. I would love to know what are some of my audiences favorite shows.
Well I have to get up early to get Jesyca from my mom's before Church. So I am going to call it a night. Anther symptom of Fibromyalgia is the 2nd wind you get at night and become a night owl and that is totally me. That is another draw back I have a hard time going to sleep early because the pain gets worse at night, and my antidepressents make me more awake, so I haave to take sleeping pills to fall asleep. It really sucks when I have to get up with Jesyca early during the week and I just cant seem to do it. I try and try and try to get to bed early but never happens.
Goodnight everyone
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